Confession of Daddy's Little Spoiled Brat

Time flies.
Begitu kata orang-orang...
I never really paid enough attention..to feel how fast time could fly...
Everything happens in the blink of an eye..then....VOILA...
here I am...approaching my mid twenties...

And still..belum menemukan apa yang saya mau.
I AM NOT HAPPY
Apa sih yang saya mau and will make me happy?
Inner circle saya...Sahabat-sahabat saya...pasti langsung bisa jawab. dengan cepat dan (mereka pikir) akurat.
"She wants her dream job and she desperately needs a great man in her life."
Good points siyh..just not the right answer.

Waktu kecil,,the only thing that i should worry about is...basically, Nothing.
The worst possible case mungkin adalah...takut dimarahin mama klo numpahin air ke taplak kesayangan mama....atau takut ketauan jajan es kebanyakan...atau takut ketauan ngebuntungin kepala barbie yang baru kemarin dibeliin mama...atau takut ketauan ikan kecil yang baru aja dibeli dari abang-abang tukang ikan pada mati karena saya berusaha kasih makan ikan-ikan kecil itu dengan potongan-potongan kecil kue black forest yang saya makan...et cetera..et cetera...
Intinya...nothing major.

But as time flies...(like they say)..
I find that growing up is (possibly) the hardest thing to do in life..

As the only child...I always have the privilege to be daddy's little girl..and little did i know, that somehow my status will eventually give others the privileges to put a mark on my forehead, written "spoiled brat"...
Sorry to say, but I am a spoiled brat.
And got no problem to admit it....
Saya ga pernah peduli semua orang bilang saya egois. Saya ga peduli kalo dari kecil saya ga pernah mau share apapun ama siapa pun. Saya ga peduli klo saya selalu menunda2 mengerjakan domestic works...et cetera..et cetera...
a careless spoiled brat.
Ah let them judge,,
but little did they know..that the only thing that this little brat (really, truly, honestly) cares about is her fear of being a failure to her daddy,,

I used to set a target for myself...21 lulus kuliah...lulus kuliah belajar bahasa lain...23 lulus kuliah lagi....And sebelum 24 harus menghasilkan sesuatu and buy something for my dad with my own well-earned money...mungkin dasi Burberry favoritnya dr butik Burberry, bukan dari outlet Burberry diskonan di pinggiran London yang saya pernah beliin (with the credit card that he gave me)...atau...the latest mobile phone...coz i know he never has the time to pay attention to his mobile, let alone buy the most high tech mobile phone...atau apalah...kalau dibawa berkhayal what i would spend my first salary on...ga akan ada habisnya tulisan ini...

Unfortunately....fate and time bring me to a different destination...
Target unaccomplished and..
Here I am...approaching my mid twenties...
With daddy still stands by my side..paying the gas for the car that daddy gave me..handling my mobile phone bills..my credit cards bills...my holiday bills..and all the bills that, me as an adult, has succeeded for not taking it into my responsibilities..
It is such a shame.
And im freaking out.

Balik lagi ke pertanyaan..
Apa yang saya mau and will make me happy?
Its not only about getting my dream job. Not about finding my mr. Right.
All i want is to be a daughter that my dad will be proud of..
to be someone, not just anyone..and to grow up without continually being daddy's little spoiled brat..

But for me, growing up is completely uneasy...and life frequently hinders me from many things...

and i wonder...If I blink my eyes...where and what would i be next?

No clue. but hopefully, no longer as daddy's little spoiled brat.

Amen.