I'll see you soon, Londres!

Hari itu,,London sama saja dengan yang sehari-hari saya lihat,,Unfriendly weather,,busy people rushing into the tube station,,some guys offering London papers next to the tube station,,pretty girls with fashionable outfits goin in and out Selfridges&Co..strolling along the famous Oxford street,, carrying loads of topshop bags,,very long queue at the Primark's til,,,Yah,,typical hari Sabtu di Oxford st, London...

Apa yang beda? Bedanya hari itu saya keluar apartemen saya dengan satu buah suitcase besar,,satu hand luggage rada kecil n tetep bawa handbag (thanx to the new rules for allowing 2 hand luggages at Heathrow...huhu)...Dan instead of walking and takin the tube as usual,,Siang itu a taxi waited for me outside my apartment's door...

Perasaan saya biasa-biasa aja,,yang saya masih inget semalem saya abis hepi-hepi,,with two good friends of mine yang walaupun saya tau dua2nya totally knackered,,but still managed to take me to a bar di Tottenham Courtroad,,101 kitchen,,yah its not the A-list kind of bar,,but it was okay,,the sangria is nice,,and the martini is awesome,,okay, maybe its just me being a martini fetish,,haha,,but basically, malam itu saya senang...ditambah lagi memori akan beberapa malam sebelumnya with some girlfriends,,partyin at Punk which was totally wicked!huhu,,walaupun ga bumped into Lily Allen or some random british moguls,,but i was thrilled and happy...

Kembali ke hari itu... semua terjadi agak cepat..urus2 VAT refund (biasa ga mau rugi bayar tax buat negara lain...heheh)..check-in...sedikit drama kepanikan akan kehilangan kunci...had some rubbish lunch...pokoknya tau2...Saya sudah di dalam pesawat...destination :Hongkong...dan pastinya...sedikitpun belum sedih..rasanya seperti mau liburan, nanti balik lagi...Secara teman saya dan saya sibuk diskusi rencana meng-eksplor Hongkong...pake uang VAT tentunya..hahaha..jadi, my mind was distracted..

But not until my plane started to take off,,i felt some warm tears running down my cheeks,,bercampur dengan eyeliner hitam saya yang luntur,,then i foolishly started to sob my heart out...(Ugh,,sh*t,,,sh*t,,,janjinya ga mau nangis???!!!).."Nandito,,Nanditoo,,,kok nangis???gw ngerti kooo,,,gw juga sediihh??" hibur temen sayaaa..But still,,i felt like crying that time...and ga pengen aja berhenti...Bukan karena harus pulang...bukan...This is my decision..no one forced me, neither my dad nor my mum...Seketika my mind was flashing back each piece of my life these past one and a half years....Satu kejadian yang tak bisa saya lupakan...tiba2 seperti di-pause di memori saya...hari itu..tepat setahun yang lalu...di kota ini..my tears, my pain..that someone caused but never give a sh*t...ingatan yang mengkoyak2 pikiran saya..(sh*t sh*t)....lifetime impact of making impulsive decision of my life with the wrong guy...Siapa siyh yang ngerti?? Yang tahu detailnya hanya Tuhan, saya dan dia....yang tahu sakitnya,,cuma saya,,yang lain cuma bisa bilang mereka ngerti,,tapi ngga...But isnt pain helping me to be myself today?...belum lagi ditambah konflik2 ga penting yang pernah terjadi...betrayal..heartbroken...messing around...endless self-seeking...questioning God's existence...et cetera....

Hari itu..I left UK...for keeps.for good. atas kesadaran saya sendiri tentunya. Bukan paksaan my dad. Bukan paksaan my mum. I bring home a degree..but not myself that i knew before i packed my life in one suitcase and flew to the UK one and a half years ago..I have changed and shall i say in ways that even myself loathe a lot...If only I could turn back time...tapi what's done is done, bukan?? Saya berhenti nangis..akhirnya...bukan karena mbak2 pramugari mulai mengedarkan makanan...tapi airmatanya sudah habis ditambah agak pusing dengan penumpang2 yang berisik ngobrol dengan bahasa mandarin yang notabene saya gak ngerti...Bengong sejenak..tiba2 kebayang...abang ketemu gede saya...slalu bilang.."What happened in the UK, stays in the UK"...hahaha..always relieving setiap inget kata2 itu...mungkin it goes the same for him?haha,i dunno...Tiba2 kangen sama sahabat-sahabat saya selama saya menimba ilmu di negri orang ini...im such a fool,always drown in my grieves..and always forgetting the good things...dan buat saya, sahabat2 yang saya 'temukan' yang i consider them as a family merupakan great things that happened to me there...without them i'd be more psychotic..haha..

Terbangun dari tidur saya..tak terasa...pesawat CX itu sudah mau landing...I could see Hongkong from my window..."Nandito...siap blanjaa??uda ga sediyh khannn??kita ga pake istirahat ya beb, taro koper aja langsung cabut!" teman saya berkata dengan dengan penuh semangat...Hmph,,another city, bukan London, bukan Birmingham...bukan another tempat to live my life,,,cuma tempat persinggahan sebelum balik to my real life..

As the plane landed...kesedihan saya hilang...Ah, life...unpredictable..slalu...Ga guna juga looking back...Whatever ive been through makes myself who I am now...and hopefully will be better...And mengikuti kata abang ketemu gede saya...

What happened in UK, stays in UK... =)

Next destination: Jakarta..with the slate wiped clean, hopefully..

So...i guess..I'll see you soon, Londres....

[March, 2008]